On one's resume there is an area where you generally leave a list
of 'other skills' that you have. Unusual things that may or may not be
useful to a prospective employer. You may list something like 'fluent in
Spanish' (always useful working in Florida) or maybe 'taught
professional ballet for four years' (heck, you never know, maybe the gig
is about the ballet)
I have an entry that reads simply: Proficient at B&E
This usually gets the employer to pause and look at me and then ask 'huh?'
So I tell them; It
was probably my first 'real' job in the industry. I'd done some minor
things but now I was working on an actual motion picture. There were
stars in it from movies I had actually seen in movie theaters. The
people I was working with had done big budget shows. I'd seen the
Director's other film and liked it. This was a movie with a big budget
and a major studio behind it. Awesome for me! So, my main goal was to be
as cool as I could manage to make a good impression. I was young, I was
eager to please, I had trouble saying no - in other words, a perfect
Office PA.
So it came to pass that one of the Producers had a close
relative working on the show, a younger kid who the Producer was helping
out. I'm sure you all know that sort of deal. So there I am, in the PO
working the hard nights shift due to the filming schedule (the fact that
it's the middle of the night *will* be relevant later, so pay
attention), when a call comes in. It's the Producer, his relative has
not shown up for work.
He wants us to find him.
We (and by
'we' I mean the Coordinator told 'me' to do it) called his cell, called
his apartment phone, called his roommate. Nothing happening.
The Producer is not pleased.
"Maybe someone should drive over to his apartment and see if he's there?"
As
we all know, in a PO when 'someone' needs to do something, that means a
PA needs to do something. So I gather up my gear, pull up the
directions to his house, and am about to walk out the door when I make
my first mistake. I check in with the Coordinator and verify my
instructions;
"I'm going over there to see if he's home, and then I'll call back, right?"
"No,
The Producer wants you to see if he's there. If he's there call the
Producer, if he's not there call the Line Producer." This should have
been my first sign of danger. But, hey, I was young.
The Line Producer in question, whom we shall call Mr.
Lobo (which about sums him up...seriously, imagine every cliche you can
about a producer on set away from his family. The guy was a powerhouse
of drinking, wenching, and being generally awesome and ridiculous in
equal measure. I loved working with him, but he was more force of nature
than mortal man...this will also be important to remember)
So I get to the apartment which is dark and empty
looking. I still go and bang on the door and check the garage. Even then
I knew in a vague and unclear sense that calling Mr. Lobo would end
poorly somehow, so I rapped on some windows and even pulled the cliche
of tossing a few small pebbles at the upper story window I suspected was
the bedroom.
Nothing.
So...at that point, I call Mr. Lobo.
This was my second mistake.
"He's not there?"
"No
sir, I called him, I rang the doorbell, banged the door, I even knocked
on windows and threw small pebbles at his bedroom window."
"Oh...well...all that noise you made...did you wake up any of the neighbors?"
This *really* should have been a warning for me.
But I was still young and stupid.
"No sir, all their lights are out," I answer like a raging idiot.
This was my third mistake.
"Good," Lobo announces.
It
was at this point I was told, quite explicitly, that my job was to
break into the house and make sure if the Producer's relative was in
there he wasn't passed out drunk or in danger or dead or something.
Mr. Lobo *was* pretty helpful about it, as he
did have extensive advice for how to manage to find my way in, no I
don't know why he had all this experience (maybe he was a PA once too).
And, really, here I was, a newish PA, just busting into the big show,
with one of the most important people on set telling me to break into a
private residence. What options were before me?
I was going to do some Breaking and Entering.
Thus
it was that I, in the middle of the night, found myself jimmying open a
window and sliding through it to stalk around a house. I'll spare you
the rest of the details (me starting to think it was a elaborate prank
and being scared of walking around the house) or of some of the
adventures that followed (wherein I *did* go to jail twice that night,
albeit not under arrest either time)
But I think the point is clear, in this industry...you do some....non-standard things on company time.
That's why I make sure to always note B&E on my resume.
Because, hey, you never know.
Maybe you're working for Mr. Lobo.
