The Tampon Run

When I first got into this business, I landed an internship with a husband and wife production team that shot commercials. I was super stoked because I really wanted to get into the commercial market, but had never had the opportunity to do so. I knew that my job would be pretty much whatever they needed me to do, and I was ok with that. Then one day, I get a call from the wife, who says she needed me to pick up a few things on my way to the location. The list included tampons. At this point, I should probably point out that I'm male, and I'm an only child. I had managed to get to the age of 25 without ever having to purchase feminine hygiene products. I let her know I would stop at a store and would be in shortly.

I walked in to the grocery store and start grabbing the other items on the list, and then head for the "all things female" aisle. It was at this point that I realized that she didn't really specify what kind and there were seemingly hundreds of options. There were super duper ones, and little tiny ones, and sporty ones. I had no idea what to get. So, in the middle of the store, I called her back. I can't possibly express how awkward that phone call was. She told me what kind she wanted and I immediately grabbed them and headed for the check out. The best part of this awkward story is that the checkout girl ringing up my stuff, picks up the tampons and says, "Heavy flow kinda day, huh?"

Needless to say, I had a hard time looking at my boss in the eyes for awhile.

The Dress

Mrs. Portman is not the actress in the story. I just like this picture.

I still actually have to ask myself if this really happened to me. And none of my friends believe it. One day, as part of the AD team, I was designated to babysit our lead actress for the day. I won't give you her name, but I'll say that she is probably near the top of most guys' lists of actresses they are allowed to cheat on their wives with. She was hot. Like unbelievably hot. And I was getting paid to spend the whole day with her.

When I arrived at her trailer to introduce myself, some of her entourage was hanging around outside smoking. I said hello, and asked if she was inside. One of the guys said she was changing and would be out in a minute. I waited a few minutes and knocked. She told me to come in. I wasn't at all prepared for what happened next. I opened the door and stepped inside, to see her half dressed with the whole back side of her dress open. I apologized and backed up, trying to get out of there and save both of us some embarrassment (but mostly me). She laughed and told me it was ok. Then, she asked me to help zip up her dress. It was like a scene out of some ridiculous romantic comedy. Awkward PA zipping up beautiful actress' dress. And I'm pretty sure I heard music playing when I did it.

She was totally cool with it, whereas I was pretty much losing my mind. I at least pretended to be professional, so we could move on with our day. It was a great day, but that one moment will stick with me for life.